iPad: Item to Publicly Abuse and Destroy

That's apparently what some people think Steve Job's new gadget for Apple is made expressly for. Footage of a certain Tom Dickson slamming the iPad onto a telephone in order to break it in half (because the designers clearly lacked foresight in forgetting to consider the dimensions of a standard blender) has garnered over 5 million views in the last week alone. On the day the iPad launched, a baseball- bat-wielding crowd of teenage boys posted similar footage of an iPad being smashed to pieces in a parking lot. But when asked if they felt any animosity towards Jobs or Apple, the boys looked confused by the question and answered, "No. We love Steve Jobs." Apparently, the question was a non-sequiter. Like seriously, why would you ask such a question? I mean, how else would you express and display your love and adoration for someone? By breaking their newest and latest creation, of course!

And we wonder why the rest of the world hates us. We swim in boatloads of privilege, freedom and democratic liberties, and use it for things like breaking expensive gadgets in the name of "entertainment" and Youtube street cred.

I'm not defending the iPad or arguing for the justification of this oblong and awkwardly-sized app-displayer that can't take pictures or run Flash. But then again, idiots do get laughed at so maybe my sense of humor isn't entirely to blame. Humor is usually at the expense of something or someone's dignity so I guess this time it will cost you $500 plus any shred of self-awareness or decency you might have left.

Cultural customs often bind teenagers all over the world into rigid routines, societal norms and day-to-day realities: African children would forgo food and shelter to walk 5 miles to the nearest school, while others in the Middle East live in fear of getting shot at, bombed or discriminated against. What do ours do?
How are they creating residual
income? Smash and destroy invaluable devices while snickering at the camera. Good one, parents. Way to teach our next generation to understand and appreciate the things they are lucky enough to have.

Hollywood's Unsung Hero

They say behind every great fortune is a great crime. In the case of Hollywood, for every Bruce Willis, there is a Charlie Picerni. Who's Charlie Picerni, you might ask?

Yeah, that's the way the game is played in Hollywood. The red carpet hooplas might pretend to make a show of recognizing non-actors for the part they play in making the movie, but really...aside from the more well-known directors and filmmakers (Scorcese, Speilberg) the rest are virtually unknown among mainstream audiences.

Indeed, to whom would successful actors attribute their fortune to if not to the stunstmen and women (and post-production film editors) who make them look good? That's right, behind every Mel Gibson falling off burning buildings is a ballsy, no-name stuntman whose name most moviegoers will never know.

Often going uncredited in such blockbuster hits as "Indiana Jones" and "Diehard", the stuntman has even more reason to be down on his luck in today's 3-D, CGI, James Cameron-ified world of movies. Green screen is the name of the game today, and many able-bodied stuntsmen are finding that their services are no longer needed.


Of course, there are actors who famously insist on doing their own stunts, including Jackie Chan and Viggo Mortensen from the LOTR trilogy.
While residual income for actors
are still growing, we can see the rise of filmmakers getting in to the industry. While filming a fight scene for Peter Jackson's famous adaptation of Tolkien's fantasy book series, Mortensen's tooth was knocked out by his opponent, after which he famously asked for superglue for the tooth so that he could continue filming the scene. Talk about staying in character.


These days, films try to incorporate both CGI/motion capture and physical stunt design to maximize the impact using both kinds of effects. If done well, the effect is a seamlessly edited, completely escapist movie-going experience. If done poorly, well, you've just paid 15 bones for a glitchy, makes-you-aware-that-you're-watching-a-movie movie. Ah well, you can always Netflix it when it comes out on DVD. Just make sure you read through the credits and have a moment of silence for the stunt guys and gals after the film ends.

Right to Be Wrong

I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
-Joss Stone, "Right to Be Wrong"

You know something’s catchy when you find yourself saying, “Damn, why didn’t I think of that?” I mean c'mon: arguing for the right to be wrong? The powerfully poetic pun is always the writer's ever-elusive subject, and the songwriter's eternally desired companion.

Okay so call me a freakshow for reading a subliminal political message in Joss Stone lyrics. But methinks the talented young songstress, aside from penning the words to an amazing soul number, was on to something deeper than just externalizing teenage angst to R&B riffs. She might actually have been commenting, albeit unwittingly, on the now raging debate on the role of the federal government concerning our nation's alarming childhood obesity rate.

Think about it. Ever since the new campaign for childhood obesity prevention "Let's Move" was announced, Michelle-Obama-haters have been knocking the First Lady for “over-mothering” obese children all around the nation, and creating an initiative which, essentially, refuses fast food, soda and junk food companies the “right to be wrong.” True, singing out of key doesn't really harm anyone (though Simon Cowell might disagree). But junk food does. Should tone-deaf school boards be the only ones to decide what is sold to students on their campuses, even if what they decide hits all the wrong notes? Should the federal government "leave them alone"?

While we're on the subject of things being "wrong", if I may ask a naive question: Why would you offer to sell someone (a not-yet adult to be exact) something that will ultimately end up causing harm? I mean, yeah, telling American capitalists how to make money by throwing ethics out the window would be like preaching to a Grammy-winning choir. But it seems as though the lyrics to the song some right-wingers are chanting these days is really "the right to DO wrong".

Now, a government measure to prevent this particular right from being practiced, when you really think about it, isn’t so far-fetched right? We as a nation, and as members of the same species, have ostensibly agreed to refuse people the right to do wrong things. Like, oh, I don’t know, murder, steal, rape? It would be crazy to insist that legally restricting the freedom of people to exercise these kinds of rights is the bigger wrong, and that we should be protecting the right of businesses to sell and market harmful products to kids.

Which brings us to the philosophical and always necessary question: What is difference between right and wrong? And more importantly, who gets to decide what this very crucial difference is? Or to put it simply, where do you draw the line?
In regards to childhood obesity, it seems that we have at least reached a consensus that kids under the ripe old age of 10 who have the blood pressure of an overweight 56-year-old is a problem. Or a teenager weighing 400 pounds and feeling compelled to lose weight because she “wants friends” is where one might draw the line between healthy and unhealthy. Or right and just plain...wrong.

No, the obese child should not play victim and blame it on the system. Personal choice and responsibility play a huge role. But is a choice between Sprite and Coke, chips or fries, really a fair choice? The truth of the matter is that, in a plummeting economy, fast food is cheap, easy and, well, fast. And if obesity is indeed reaching the same number of people as the tobacco industries once did, using the same tactics (strategic taxing on unhealthy food products) might not be a bad way to go.

This issue is inextricably bound up with the issues of national healthcare, free market and federal government regulation of municipal activity (i.e. school food programs). You can't really talk about one without touching on the others. For now, I'll leave you with some neat tips on how to stay healthy while cooking at home. And for the soylovers out there, check out these tips on how to incorporate a healthier alternative to regular dairy into your diet.

Sadly, American Idol is losing the man who says what everyone is thinking but afraid to verbalize (possibly the sole reason I turn to Fox these days). But it seems as though, in the open audition for the Obese Child, our First Lady has sat down and made herself comfortable at the judge's table.

20 Healthcare Questions

Remember the old game ‘20 Questions,’ a.k.a. a form of Truth or Dare? Q: How much more interesting would this game be if the questions were fundamentally UNanswerable? A: Infinitely. Let’s spice it up, shall we?

Why do I need ID to get ID?” (an insightful Mos Def in an old school classic)

What would we do without Wikipedia? (Just walk around not knowing Cher's real name or why Boyz-II-Men went from 4 to 3 I guess...)

Why is a barely-legal Disney channel crooner the center of a phenomenon known mainly (and disturbingly) to middle aged women as ‘Bieber fever’?”

“Can Americans afford to get sick?”

This last one is, of course, the only one that has been getting much attention in recent news (though Entertainment blogs have been having a field day with Jesse James and his alleged mistress -which begs the age-old question: "Why do men cheat?" A blog for another day, ladies). On Tuesday, President Obama used over 20 different fountain pens to sign the bill, after receiving a hearty handshake and a not-completely-unexpected expletive from Biden (hilariously audible clip of this also available on CNN.com) before announcing the passing of this historic overhaul of the American national healthcare system.

People groups affected include tanning salon owners, who will be forced to charge their customers an extra 10 percent nationwide. This tax is projected to bring in at least 2.7 billion over the next decade, which will help to fund the bill and increase coverage for more Americans. On the bright side, maybe certain B-list celebrities will think twice before going out in public looking like an Oompa–Loompa (*cough-cough* Lindsay Lohan)

While tanning salons are significantly cheaper than a tropical vacation three times a year (and yes, that exact statement was issued in all laughable seriousness by various tantrum-throwing tanning salon patrons who were interviewed by CNN Money), one cannot ignore yet another underlying question behind the “outrage” of tanning salon owners: In light of the current economy, what are the moral and ethical implications of capitalizing on a select market of consumers who purchase artificial UV rays while sober?

After Al Gore's diminishing-polar-bear-habitat hoopla, can Americans still justify the 'convenient' use of a rapidly dwindling energy and electricity supply for the purely aesthetic adjustment in skin tone? And those of you who “need Vitamin D” might be off the hook for now, but don’t think I’m not thinking what I know the rest of y’all are thinking: “Dude, can’t you take a pill for that?”

In a war-torn economy, Americans used to simply tighten their belts, maintain stiff upper lips, and send their ladies out in red bandanas to darken their lungs inside metal factories. In England, they “remained calm and carried on” (but then again, they have universal healthcare over there so remaining calm might actually be a viable option). Nowadays “tanning salon outrage” makes front page news. Granted, even tanning salon owners gotta eat so what can you really say? Except that Socialist accusations have reached an all time high for Obama, and comments following news articles and updates on healthcare are getting vicious.

Maybe the real question for Americans should be how to skirt the ever-complicating system and still maintain a functional level of health. Or a less solemn humdinger: how many minutes can you talk to someone this week without mentioning the word 'healthcare'? Ready... set.... go!

Pinch Me I Must Be Drinking

Guinness-loving Norcalians can relax tonight. Berkeley, Oakland, Alameda and San Francisco are all offering free cab and tow service for inebriated St. Patty's Day revelers. The group of injury lawyers who are sponsoring this service aren't the only ones battling belligerent behavior tonight. Triple A of Northern California is calling their tri-state lawsuit-preventer (California, Nevada and Utah) "Tipsy Tow".

Does anyone else wonder what it is about this garishly green holiday that justifies the lack of inhibitions? While March does mark the onset of Spring (hence the color of choice), the holiday is not without its ironies. The most obvious one being that it actually started off as a sacred homage to one of Ireland's patron saints - some refer to St. Patrick as the Martin Luther of Ireland, the country's own St. Paul. (Also ironic is that one of St. Paddy's Day monikers most obviously puns on quite possibly THE most anti-American band to date - maybe one of the only American traditions Greenday wouldn't write pissed off lyrics about. But I digress...) Hardly the makings of a lime-flavored jello shot showdown, to be sure. What started off as a day where Lent practices (fasting of vices) were temporarily suspended has now turned into an all-out bar hopping, drink downing Mardi Gras minus the purple and gold.

At least drunkenness is in the vein of commonly accepted celebratory practices though. I mean, what's up with the creepy looking Lucky Charms leprechauns looming over the supermarket aisles and freaking me out before I finish walking through the automatic sliding doors at Target? And the pinching complete strangers for not donning the color green? Who made that up? Someone who obviously didn't get pinched as a child.

Irish history is fabulous, don't get me wrong. And another reason to drink? I haven't met a single person yet who would say no to that. But if you see me in the corner looking suspiciously over my shoulder and shielding my arms from you, don't say I didn't warn you. Take my advice: hoard your cases of beer and look up Irish facts in the privacy of your own home, or learn how to make your own green-tinged cocktails!

And to the rest of you Irish and non-Irish folk, bottoms up! And remember to call Triple A after your last round of 'Danny Boy.'

Attention Students: This is Not a Drill

Remember those duck and cover drills in elementary school? Admit it: you used to live for those moments when you could stop copying down Social Studies terms, or showing your work on those pesky long division problems, or whatever else those teachers with mediocre training would get you to do while you’re stuck indoors during the best hours of the day.

The fire drill bell goes off at an ear-shatteringly loud decibel, and students all over the school giggle to each other and eagerly drop their pencils to huddle underneath their desks. Yup, you know the drill. It occurred to me that most Californian students would probably wonder to themselves what it would really be like to live with the constant and very real threat of an earthquake. I mean, we have the San Andreas fault and all, but since the big San Francisco quake in 1906, there hasn't been anything close to what's been going on in the Southern hemisphere as we speak.

As the entire world stands in the wake of two devastating quakes, there really isn’t much laughter to be had. The ‘earthquake lady’, as Dr. Kate Hutton has been dubbed by the masses, has received more and more face time since the recent earthquakes in Haiti and Chile have caused massive panic in all hemispheres. Even as neighboring countries rush to provide aid and relief, they also have become more concerned with how to be prepared for potential earthquakes in the future.

Rehearsal that does not precede a real show is no rehearsal at all. For without the looming reality of the final performance, what real motivation can a rehearsal sustain in its actors? But if the recent two quakes have shown us anything, it’s that all those drills might not have been a complete waste of time, as many elementary school procedures often are. Check out these tips on how to be prepared in case of an earthquake from an exclusive interview with the Earthquake Lady herself and how to support the victims of the recent quakes.

Cheating? There's an App for That.

Remember when being called 'tiger' was a good thing? Like when someone calls you 'champ', or 'sport' or any other variation of those peculiarly American appellations fathers call their sons while slapping them on the shoulder and throwing around the old pigskin.


Yeah, those were the good ol' days. Fast forward to the world of perpetual internet access, where privacy is a lost cause and paper trails have now gone digital. The word 'tiger' conjures up all sorts of inappropriate things (it ain’t just the animals on four legs that pop up on Google image search now), including a certain record-breaking golfer who left the world's most unfortunate digital and audio trail of infidelity in his very public fall from grace. But it turns out that the brands and companies which dropped their endorsement deals with Tiger aren't the only ones capitalizing on his marital failures.


Yes, the infamous App creator strikes again. In case you weren't familar with this new breed of entrepreneur, h/she is the consummate multi-tasker: with one hand on the pulse of pop culture, the other hand has a firm grip on the latest iphone. Throw in the programming know-how and voila! New apps appear faster than you can say spot the nearest Apple store.


This time around, it seems as though one of these brilliant minds thought, "If only there were a way to protect those careless misogynists from getting caught in their tracks!" Yes the tiger puns really won't stop. And this time, we have paw tracks to add insult to injury. Introducing Tigertext: Cover your Tracks. You know an App has traction when it makes you say, "Damn, why didn't I think of that?" No, literally TRACtion: after it deletes your text message, it leaves a graphic of animal paw tracks in the text box. Cute in a kind of shady, vile sort of way isn't it?


You can even customize the amount of time your text remains intact- from 'delete on read' to a shelf-life of up to a month. So for the cheaters playing it safe, all remnants of the deed are erased immediately. But for those who prefer to flirt with both mistresses AND danger, you can toy with this option and really get your adrenaline going. It’s an equal opportunity enabler, this app. Now if only someone could get the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme song to play while the app runs.

Healthcare Reform or Media Trap?

Tomorrow, President Obama will be speaking with Republican leaders on the issue of healthcare reform in a live televised debate. One of the goals of this meeting will be to figure out how to come to an agreement on certain key issues regarding national healthcare reform before moving forward with the reform bill. In particular, President Obama has expressed a willingness to be open-minded to suggestions from the Republican party members that will not only help give more coverage to more Americans, but simultaneously help lower the national deficit.

So did any of that register to you out there? Yeah, it all sounds like something straight copied and pasted from CNN.com, right? Often when I hear newscasters or read journalists' reports on what's going on in Washington, a lot of it registers to me as "blah blah blah." Not because I'm not interested in the issues per se, but because of an underlying distrust in news media as a whole. Where did this come from? I'm not exactly sure, but I'm willing to bet that I'm not alone.

Even this televised meeting for example. From the day it was announced, it has translated to many, especially Republican representatives, as a "trap." Many are suspicious of a purportedly "open" discussion, and Obama's request for Republican leaders to "lay their ideas out on the table."

Though Obama has repeated his own desire for a change in the tone of American politics, and for an elimination of a kind of relentless "political theater" as some have termed it, he has still failed to convince many that his intentions are without guile. Though I think at this point, with the economy still being what it is, it would be difficult to convince even the most optimistic American that things are going to change.

Now I'm sure Jay Leno, and Bill Maher and those folks have probably already made a snarky comment or two about all the heated healthcare headlines swirling around this week. Call me soft, but I can't bring myself to crack a joke today. Instead, I leave you with some cool tips on how to cook healthier, and be more aware of health-related risks.

With all the buzz on new diet fads (HCG - where a pregnancy hormone which inhibits appetite is literally injected into a non-pregnant person. Wow. As if people aren't cranky enough these days...) and our own First Lady leading the pack with her childhood obesity prevention initiative Let's Move (a woman who's well dressed AND knows how to get down to business? 2010 better watch out), it's always helpful to know how to adjust your eating habits with minimal changes to your current diet.

Cheers to everyone trying to make 2010 a healthier year.

Bridgestone Superbowl 2010 Ad - "FAIL!", says the killer whale

Those poor, poor people at Bridgestone. Last night, I watched in disbelief as their flashy new Superbowl 2010 commercial was aired on cable. The commercial in itself was nothing ground-breaking.... in fact, it was rather fun. Here's the gist:

Three good-looking young guys in a truck speed down the typical 'car ad' winding road, braking, slewing violently. They have stolen a killer-whale, a la 'The Hangover.' 'Great bachelor party', one of them jokes, as they accelerate down a pier towards the ocean. As they reach the end, they brake and slew the car around.... and the whale slides out of the back, crashes through the rail and falls into the ocean. He does a little leap of joy, like flipper. He's free!

A fun, lighthearted commercial that probably cost thousands of dollars and hundreds of man-hours (full-sized anamatronic whale, anyone?) and would have been highly successful.... had the top news story of the day not been that a killer whale at SeaWorld had killed a trainer in front of a live audience.

Seen in this light, the airing of the commercial on this particular day seems slightly sinister, even revolutionary, maybe - right now the animal's fate is being discussed, and while it is agreed that the creature will not be put down, due to the trainer's strong love of the whales (who she thought of as her children), Bridgestone's commercial has unwittingly served as a 'Youtube-style' video-response from the entire general public to SeaWorld. Free the whale!

Public opinion aside, I could almost hear the sound of foreheads being slapped in the Bridgestone HQ as the commercial aired, and aside from wondering in a queasy kind of way why the commercial wasn't pulled at the last minute, all this got me thinking about meaning in the media, and how quickly a film that cost millions of dollars and was the culmination of someone's life's work could so quickly be rendered meaningless by a dumb twist of fate.

But that's the media for you. And, in case you haven't seen it, here's the Brightstone advert for you:

Tiger Woods - Human or Animal?

Tigers Woods. Tsk tsk. What to say about a man whose professional career as the world's greatest golfer was almost ended last November, when he crashed his car at 2:30am whist driving away from his house at high speed. He was then 'rescued' by his wife, who was for some strange reason chasing him in his car wielding one of his own golfing clubs.

Suspicious? Maybe. Dumb? Absolutely.

It has since been revealed that despite being married to Elin Nordegren, a former Swedish model and daughter of former minister of migration Barbro Holmberg, Tiger had indulged in a series of no less that 15 extramarital affaris, including famously San Diego cocktail waitress Jaimee Grubbs, who publicly claimed in the gossip magazine Us Weekly that she had a two-and-a-half-year affair with Woods.

It almost makes you wonder whether you really can have too much of a good thing.

Born Eldrick Tont Woods, Tiger Woods is one of the most successful professional golfers of all time. His personal affairs notwithstanding, he had been a poster boy for the American Dream to so many people, benefiting the lives of those who he helped through his many and highly publicized charity events. On the course, his swing and stance was perfect. He had more awards and praise heaped upon him in his ten year golfing career than most people experience in a lifetime.

But off the course, it seemed that his behavior had been less than perfect. With fans turning away in droves and his sponsorship deals dropping like flies after details of his affairs began to emerge, he famously said that "he used to believe he was entitled to do whatever he wanted to do, and that, due to his success, normal rules did not apply to him."

Unfortunately for Tiger, when you're married to a supermodel with two kids, on top of being one of the world's most recognizable faces, 'normal rules' have a way of following you home, or in Tiger's case, chasing you out of your home wielding one of your own golfing clubs. If you could write a manual on how to completely ruin your life, Tiger's Woods style, it might read a little something like this.

To those who argue against nature over nurture, you have your anthropology experiment right here in the form of a man who thought he could do whatever he wanted because he is famous. To anyone who has ever dated a star of some kind, you might say that the warning was on the box.

But to those of you with any common sense whatsoever, you might say that the higher they are, the further they fall.... and in Tiger Wood's case, it looks like the fall will continue for a long while to come.

To Luge or Not to Luge: Musings on the Ambiguous Athleticism of the Winter Olympics

Is anyone else wondering at exactly what point the athleticism is supposed to kick in with a “sport” like luging? Seriously, what particular athletic skill are we supposed to be admiring here? I mean, I’m no athlete myself, a regular layperson when it comes to sports (let alone an international circus act like the Olympics). But when you’re watching someone slide down a tube on what can only be described as a barely-there bobsled, the physicality (and safety) seems pretty minimal (and suspiciously similar to the kind of strategy a 5-year old would use on a playground slide).

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean any disrespect. Especially with the recent tragedy of 21-year old Georgian luger Nordar Kumaritashvili (and British luger Kazimierz Kay-Skrzypeski’s equally tragic death at the 1964 Innsbruk Games- I guess history really doesn’t teach us anything), I am certainly not trying to be irreverent for the sake of irreverence. Seth McFarlane’s my homie but I’m shocked to say that Sarah Palin might be right about this one: some things are just off limits. All jokes aside, I’m really just asking for someone to help me understand the athletic prowess (if any) behind a practice known to some as glorified tobogganing (I think tobogganing is safer though).

Another bone I have to pick with the Winter Olympics: what is up with the impossibly narrow lanes in speed skating? I mean if we all pitched in to fund wider racing lanes, wouldn’t this whole Ohno-being-an-asshole-vs. South Korea debacle cease to exist? Not that wider lanes would eliminate the drama though – I mean, have you seen a Korean soap lately? Drama for your mama AND your mama-in-law (there’s always an in-law catfight at some point). I mean, how is skating THAT close to someone, so close that you’re quite literally AT his heels, even allowed? You almost can’t even scrounge up empathy for the poor Olympic medal hopefuls who end up biting the ice chip dust and sliding into the foam walls mid-race. How can you feel bad for someone who has voluntarily entered a race in which the rules require you to pursue your opponent’s spandex-covered bottom with your nose while slicing away at the ice rink on razor-sharp skates?

I guess even extreme sports have feelings. They need some kind of validation other than the dumbfounded look us normal folk give when we are told that extreme sports are defined by the very risk of death itself. The question remains: Is it worth it? I don't know if the Kumaritashvili family would agree anymore.

Denim Duds Definitely a Dud

[Cue circus music] Step right up folks! American fashion has officially hit an all time low, ladies and gents. If you thought Crocs and the Ed Hardy logo were bad, get a load of this: Pajama jeans. Yes, you read that right. And no, I’m not referring to the current “boyfriend jean” trend. No, my fellow forward-thinking fashionistas. Sadly, we’re not talking about loose-fitting, artfully ripped and torn denim that you’ve been seeing on runways and hanging off of anorexic celebrities’ hip bones. We’re talkin’ straight up spandex and jersey masquerading as well-fitted designer label jeans, complete with high-contrast stitching (I sense a True Religion lawsuit coming on) and rivets “so they look like they were made by some European designer”. (Hey, is anyone else wondering when rivets became an outsourced fashion accessory?)

I mean let’s face it, if you’re gonna call a spade a spade, pajama jeans are really just the awkward cousin of another recent fashion faux pas also touted for its convenient marriage of comfort and style: denim leggings. A co-conspirator, if you ask me. As if American fashion doesn’t already have a bad rap. And just when Tom Ford and Marc Jacobs thought they had the upper hand too! (Actually, both American high fashion boy wonders revived European luxury brands so what does that tell you? Hey, maybe they can demystify the whole rivet controversy!)

Aside from its “sneaky” act of deception (seriously, you almost expect the women in these ads to turn around and wink at the camera, point with both hands and yell, “Gotcha!”), these jeans apparently boast a comfortable fit that mimics the feeling of pajamas. So you can run your errands in comfort AND style. “The best of both worlds”, the website says. Hmm. Kind of reminds you of Carls Jr.’s campaign for the six-dollar burger, doesn’t it? Trying to force upscale dining into the mold of fast food when at bottom, we all know we’re still eating Carl’s Jr. no matter how you spin it. And really, how gourmet is it to be wolfing down a burger with one hand while speeding perilously down the 405? Pajama jeans can mimic designer jeans all they want, but it’s a mediocre impression at best.

C'mon, everyone knows that part of what makes real jeans irresistible to a woman, makes them THE go-to casual-but-put -together outfit, is precisely what also makes them uncomfortable; the stiffness of the twill spun fabric which holds it all in -especially since real women have curves, right America Fererra? Taking away the very essence of denim itself seems almost emasculating, an act of sartorial castration if you will.

It’s an insatiable desire, wanting the best of both worlds. I mean, there are equally bizarre manifestations of such desire everywhere you look: North Korea wants to be both loved AND feared. Baptist missionaries in Haiti want to help AND kidnap. Is it too much to ask that we exercise a little more caution before combining two antithetical concepts into one “convenient” package? Or maybe it’s not caution that we lack, so much as a basic acceptance of the universal rules of fashion: no pain, no fashion statement. Deal with it ladies. If you wanna look good, you gotta pay your dues. Or you can pay $39.99 and get a free t-shirt with your order - hey at least that part of the outfit won't be ridiculed. Just don't tell anyone you got them by purchasing the Jeans for the Inordinately Lazy Dresser.

TVLesson Writing Contest now Open - Get Creative and Win Prizes!

This month, love is in the air with TVLesson's Valentines Day Competition. We are looking for new talented creative writers to enter our contest and submit Valentines-themed articles, tips and recipes to TVLesson. You’ll have a chance to win monthly prizes, whilst building up a following and promoting yourself to our 5 million yearly viewers.

CONTEST DETAILS

Are you a romantic whiz in the kitchen? Do you know a recipe for chocolate lava cake that drives women wild? Or do you have any real-life relationship or romance tips that you'd like to share with our viewers this Valentine's Day?

Send us your favorite original Romantic Recipes, relationship advice and love-tips (PG-13 only!) and you will be entered into our Contest. The top 3 entries that get the most votes on our website will win a $50 Best Buy gift card. 10 runners up will get $20 Best Buy gift cards.

You are allowed unlimited entries. Have fun with your recipes and tips, and let your creativity run wild. Feel free to include pictures, advice, commentary, funny stories and anything else you think might make your entry stand apart from the pack and win you a prize.

CLICK HERE to enter!

PRIZES

* 3 Winners - $50 Best Buy gift card

* 10 Runner's Up prizes - $20 Best Buy gift card

RULES

* Theme – Valentines Day! Romantic Recipes or Love/ Relationship/ Dating Tips and Articles
* Please include the word 'Valentines' in the title of your article

* Winner will be decided by viewer voting - so tell your friends to vote for you!

* Your entry must be original, in English, unpublished online* and unproduced, not accepted or

displayed by any other online or print publisher or producer at the time of submission

* Unlimited entries. Enter as many times as you like (one entry per submitted article).

* Winner will be decided by viewer voting - so tell your friends to vote for you!
* No Illegal or explicit content or images
* No copyrighted images or content

PRIZE RULES

* Gift cards for all winners will be posted to the address you register with when you sign up.

* We hate spam too and will never sell or give out your personal information, ever.

* No cash alternative to gift cards.

* US Entries only

Contest Starts: 2.1.10

Entry Deadline: 2.17.10

Good luck everybody! :-)

iPad Unveiled: An Interesting but Pointless App Displayer

These days, we can all name at least one thing that has failed to live up to its hype. In no particular order: over-commercialized holidays (will Hallmark never let up?), Avatar minus the visuals (disgruntled cultural critics unite!), Obama’s presidency (apparently, secretly right-leaning leftists have officially taken over the approval rating polls). Oh and how could I forget the billboard-hogging McRib sandwich – I mean, is anyone else wondering how you can make a comeback if you never really came to begin with?

News pulses and online trends are unanimous though: Apple is finally slated to be the underdog in THE techie tourney of the year: die-hard Steve Jobs worshippers vs. the rest of us in a chokehold deathmatch for the title: the 2010 (Un)Justified Hype Championship. I guess it’s not so much a title as it is a kind of geeky bragging right (move over Tina Fey) and maybe a cover story in Wired magazine. Geek or not, no one can deny the way Jobs has had the general public eating out of the palm of his hand since the advent of the iPod and its ubiquitous high-contrast black and white ads of dancing audiophiles. And I have to admit, it was a teensy bit inspiring to watch the still-enthusiastic iCEO (his moniker, not mine) present his shiny oblong brainchild to the masses: a moment of elation for sure. But I still think it's a bit of a false alarm: in other words, we can all put our heads back down and continue texting on our iPhones now.

Seriously, at the end of the day, when the blinding white lights turn off at the Apple store and Shaq stops being a good sport about the “finally an ipod that can fit in his hand” jokes, is there a real justification out there for this toy? In order to keep the price “reasonable” (still an elastic word given the current state of the economy), the iPad can’t 1) take pictures and can’t 2) run Flash. I mean, wow. For a 10-inch LCD screen , that’s 2 for 2 folks.

Still, I really can’t talk too much smack about a brand whose products underwent the most famous makeover in techie history (Skittle colored iMacs anyone?). And given its lucrative success immediately following the late 90s, you can hardly throw iPad updates into the Who Cares Hindenburg (props to the LNWJF writers for that one). I mean, Jennifer Aniston probably wouldn’t agree with this (according to Vogue), but I think the rumors flying around for this thing almost rivaled the Brangelina fiasco. Yep, it was right up there along with the Haiti earthquake and Susan Boyle's album release date.

Ahh well, what are you gonna do? If technological advances are really just a mad scramble towards obsoleteness, then all this iBashing is really just killing time until the iPad nano comes out anyway.

V is for Vodka

If you’ve decided to forgo the night out and just keep it low key this VD (or as I like to call it, Vodka Appreciation Day), it doesn’t get any easier than popping in a DVD (or VHS for the oldies-but-goodies out there!) and staying in for the evening. (If you’re still on the fence about braving a V-day crowd of coupled-up kooks this February, here’s an image for laughs: SJP and Cynthia Nixon in last year’s SATC flick batting away curled balloon strings while trying to have a meal.) If you’re wondering how to revolt against yet another over-rated and overly-commercialized holiday- here it is: a no muss, no fuss movie night. For all you single ladies out there (who, despite the catchy tune, feels Beyonce strutting around without a ring is really just Ms. Jay-Z wanting to rule the airwaves yet again by penning a kick-ass girl power track-remember Survivor?), I know what you’re thinking: Just spare me the saccharine happy-endings, right?

Yeah, I’m with you on that one. My personal favorites expertly turn the genre on its head. My Best Friend’s Wedding has an exquisitely bittersweet finale, with a jilted Julia Roberts in one of her finest performances. A more recent take on the doomed relationship is 2009’s 500 Days of Summer, a break-up framed entirely as a series of flashbacks. Another delightful surprise is Broken English (2007), an under-the-radar indie flick with none other than the indie queen herself Parker Posey playing an unlucky single in her mid –thirties dealing with her own painful bouts of self-sabatoge when the too-good-to-be-true French hunk (played by Melvil Poupaud) enters her life.

Speaking of movies, it seems as though the large ensemble cast formula for feature films is here to stay. After Crash took home the Oscar for best picture in 2005, it seems like every production company and team wants to take a crack at it. Some would say 2003’s Love Actually revived the form for rom coms, especially in terms of the seemingly random (but carefully orchestrated) inter-connectivity between initial strangers; since then, with films like 2006’s Paris, Je’taime (which spawned the New York version New York, I Love You), 2009’s He’s Just Not That Into You and next month’s highly anticipated start-studded ensemble Valentine’s Day, the market for movie viewers who want to kill 15 celebrity birds with one movie ticket seems to be a pretty sure thing.

Of course, movie execs and marketing experts know to release these (and other cheese-tastic celluloid delights) just before V-day. How else would countless hopeless-romantic s justify the one day they get to drag their kicking-and-screaming boyfriends (or discreetly resistant but outwardly compliant and enthusiastic boyfriend-hopefuls) to shell out the 10 bones to watch Kate Hudson or Mandy Moore frolic around in too many costume changes (when let’s face it, they’d much rather be at Daybreakers watching a zombie throw down or the Denzel flick)?
Though it’s interesting to note that to date, the highest grossing rom com since the late 70’s is My Big Fat Greek Wedding, a cross-cultural story which revolves around a thirty-something year old single woman who finds love after already being labeled a veritable old maid by her family members. Guaranteed laughs revolve around the film’s comedic rhythm which depends primarily on the moments of hesitation with which most of us approach situations of cultural difference and unfamiliarity. The whitest of whites and the Greek-est of Greeks collide in scenes of hilarious courtship and an equally flamboyant and poignant marriage ceremony.

Nia Vardalo’s overnight success is followed closely by Nancy Meyer’s hit film What Women Want, starring Mel Gibson (pre-Passion of the Christ) and Helen Hunt. The plot revolves around a chauvinistic Gibson who, by way of a serendipitous electrocution, is able to read women’s minds, (unbeknownst to the women). Film as escapism at its best, my friends. If only men were half as intuitive, am I right ladies?

Whatever you end up doing (or not doing), here are some other ideas on how to pass the time this Valentine’s Day! And since some have argued that the best remedy for depression is hard liquor, my last word of advice to you would be to keep your bar fully stocked come February 14th.

Brrrrring on the Heat

For various reasons, I rarely rave about the weather here in Socal. Most locals take the sun for granted, I suppose. If you've been surrounded by something your whole life, you hardly see it anymore until an outsider mentions it. The sun, the traffic, the superficiality. That's why I can always spot an out-of-towner by the way they talk about the weather (or by the fact that they even mention it at all). I guess by comparison, I must admit that having an 80 degree Christmas is pretty insane. While others freeze their tails off trying to stay warm and out of the snow/sleet/cold, us SoCalers are slathering on sunblock and schlepping around in flip flops.

Seriously, if you're from the East coast (or from anywhere in the Deep South where temperatures are at record lows right now), I bet you're scoffing at me right now. I sleep with the window open, yell at my roomates when they leave the heater on too long and wear scarves primarily as a fashion accessory. But I secretly long for the kind of weather that would warrant the guilty-pleasure purchase of the infamous Ugg boots. Though I can’t help but think that every time I see those ubiquitous Sherpa-lined suede concoctions it must be a veritable slap-in-the-face to those truly struggling to keep warm. Especially when paired –quite intentionally- with mini skirts, booty shorts and sometimes just spandex tights with no additional bottoms (Lady Gaga would be so proud). No matter how much I want them, Socal weather doesn’t seem to justify shelling out the 150 bones.

But this recent cold snap is no joke. We’ve got people falling over dead in their own homes, iguanas shutting down and going into hibernation (no really, that’s not a joke) and falling out of trees. And that’s in South Florida, the state of year round humidity. If you’re wondering how to stay warm under genuinely cold circumstances, check out some of these helpful bits. Otherwise, I suggest you find a working heater (or someone that has one) and hold on to it for dear life.