Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Pinch Me I Must Be Drinking


Guinness-loving Norcalians can relax tonight. Berkeley, Oakland, Alameda and San Francisco are all offering free cab and tow service for inebriated St. Patty's Day revelers. The group of injury lawyers who are sponsoring this service aren't the only ones battling belligerent behavior tonight. Triple A of Northern California is calling their tri-state lawsuit-preventer (California, Nevada and Utah) "Tipsy Tow".


Does anyone else wonder what it is about this garishly green holiday that justifies the lack of inhibitions? While March does mark the onset of Spring (hence the color of choice), the holiday is not without its ironies. The most obvious one being that it actually started off as a sacred homage to one of Ireland's patron saints - some refer to St. Patrick as the Martin Luther of Ireland, the country's own St. Paul. (Also ironic is that one of St. Paddy's Day monikers most obviously puns on quite possibly THE most anti-American band to date - maybe one of the only American traditions Greenday wouldn't write pissed off lyrics about. But I digress...) Hardly the makings of a lime-flavored jello shot showdown, to be sure. What started off as a day where Lent practices (fasting of vices) were temporarily suspended has now turned into an all-out bar hopping, drink downing Mardi Gras minus the purple and gold.


At least drunkenness is in the vein of commonly accepted celebratory practices though. I mean, what's up with the creepy looking Lucky Charms leprechauns looming over the supermarket aisles and freaking me out before I finish walking through the automatic sliding doors at Target? And the pinching complete strangers for not donning the color green? Who made that up? Someone who obviously didn't get pinched as a child.


Irish history is fabulous, don't get me wrong. And another reason to drink? I haven't met a single person yet who would say no to that. But if you see me in the corner looking suspiciously over my shoulder and shielding my arms from you, don't say I didn't warn you. Take my advice: hoard your cases of beer and look up Irish facts in the privacy of your own home, or learn how to make your own green-tinged cocktails!


And to the rest of you Irish and non-Irish folk, bottoms up! And remember to call Triple A after your last round of 'Danny Boy.'


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