iPad: Item to Publicly Abuse and Destroy

That's apparently what some people think Steve Job's new gadget for Apple is made expressly for. Footage of a certain Tom Dickson slamming the iPad onto a telephone in order to break it in half (because the designers clearly lacked foresight in forgetting to consider the dimensions of a standard blender) has garnered over 5 million views in the last week alone. On the day the iPad launched, a baseball- bat-wielding crowd of teenage boys posted similar footage of an iPad being smashed to pieces in a parking lot. But when asked if they felt any animosity towards Jobs or Apple, the boys looked confused by the question and answered, "No. We love Steve Jobs." Apparently, the question was a non-sequiter. Like seriously, why would you ask such a question? I mean, how else would you express and display your love and adoration for someone? By breaking their newest and latest creation, of course!

And we wonder why the rest of the world hates us. We swim in boatloads of privilege, freedom and democratic liberties, and use it for things like breaking expensive gadgets in the name of "entertainment" and Youtube street cred.

I'm not defending the iPad or arguing for the justification of this oblong and awkwardly-sized app-displayer that can't take pictures or run Flash. But then again, idiots do get laughed at so maybe my sense of humor isn't entirely to blame. Humor is usually at the expense of something or someone's dignity so I guess this time it will cost you $500 plus any shred of self-awareness or decency you might have left.

Cultural customs often bind teenagers all over the world into rigid routines, societal norms and day-to-day realities: African children would forgo food and shelter to walk 5 miles to the nearest school, while others in the Middle East live in fear of getting shot at, bombed or discriminated against. What do ours do?
How are they creating residual
income? Smash and destroy invaluable devices while snickering at the camera. Good one, parents. Way to teach our next generation to understand and appreciate the things they are lucky enough to have.

Hollywood's Unsung Hero

They say behind every great fortune is a great crime. In the case of Hollywood, for every Bruce Willis, there is a Charlie Picerni. Who's Charlie Picerni, you might ask?

Yeah, that's the way the game is played in Hollywood. The red carpet hooplas might pretend to make a show of recognizing non-actors for the part they play in making the movie, but really...aside from the more well-known directors and filmmakers (Scorcese, Speilberg) the rest are virtually unknown among mainstream audiences.

Indeed, to whom would successful actors attribute their fortune to if not to the stunstmen and women (and post-production film editors) who make them look good? That's right, behind every Mel Gibson falling off burning buildings is a ballsy, no-name stuntman whose name most moviegoers will never know.

Often going uncredited in such blockbuster hits as "Indiana Jones" and "Diehard", the stuntman has even more reason to be down on his luck in today's 3-D, CGI, James Cameron-ified world of movies. Green screen is the name of the game today, and many able-bodied stuntsmen are finding that their services are no longer needed.


Of course, there are actors who famously insist on doing their own stunts, including Jackie Chan and Viggo Mortensen from the LOTR trilogy.
While residual income for actors
are still growing, we can see the rise of filmmakers getting in to the industry. While filming a fight scene for Peter Jackson's famous adaptation of Tolkien's fantasy book series, Mortensen's tooth was knocked out by his opponent, after which he famously asked for superglue for the tooth so that he could continue filming the scene. Talk about staying in character.


These days, films try to incorporate both CGI/motion capture and physical stunt design to maximize the impact using both kinds of effects. If done well, the effect is a seamlessly edited, completely escapist movie-going experience. If done poorly, well, you've just paid 15 bones for a glitchy, makes-you-aware-that-you're-watching-a-movie movie. Ah well, you can always Netflix it when it comes out on DVD. Just make sure you read through the credits and have a moment of silence for the stunt guys and gals after the film ends.

Right to Be Wrong

I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
-Joss Stone, "Right to Be Wrong"

You know something’s catchy when you find yourself saying, “Damn, why didn’t I think of that?” I mean c'mon: arguing for the right to be wrong? The powerfully poetic pun is always the writer's ever-elusive subject, and the songwriter's eternally desired companion.

Okay so call me a freakshow for reading a subliminal political message in Joss Stone lyrics. But methinks the talented young songstress, aside from penning the words to an amazing soul number, was on to something deeper than just externalizing teenage angst to R&B riffs. She might actually have been commenting, albeit unwittingly, on the now raging debate on the role of the federal government concerning our nation's alarming childhood obesity rate.

Think about it. Ever since the new campaign for childhood obesity prevention "Let's Move" was announced, Michelle-Obama-haters have been knocking the First Lady for “over-mothering” obese children all around the nation, and creating an initiative which, essentially, refuses fast food, soda and junk food companies the “right to be wrong.” True, singing out of key doesn't really harm anyone (though Simon Cowell might disagree). But junk food does. Should tone-deaf school boards be the only ones to decide what is sold to students on their campuses, even if what they decide hits all the wrong notes? Should the federal government "leave them alone"?

While we're on the subject of things being "wrong", if I may ask a naive question: Why would you offer to sell someone (a not-yet adult to be exact) something that will ultimately end up causing harm? I mean, yeah, telling American capitalists how to make money by throwing ethics out the window would be like preaching to a Grammy-winning choir. But it seems as though the lyrics to the song some right-wingers are chanting these days is really "the right to DO wrong".

Now, a government measure to prevent this particular right from being practiced, when you really think about it, isn’t so far-fetched right? We as a nation, and as members of the same species, have ostensibly agreed to refuse people the right to do wrong things. Like, oh, I don’t know, murder, steal, rape? It would be crazy to insist that legally restricting the freedom of people to exercise these kinds of rights is the bigger wrong, and that we should be protecting the right of businesses to sell and market harmful products to kids.

Which brings us to the philosophical and always necessary question: What is difference between right and wrong? And more importantly, who gets to decide what this very crucial difference is? Or to put it simply, where do you draw the line?
In regards to childhood obesity, it seems that we have at least reached a consensus that kids under the ripe old age of 10 who have the blood pressure of an overweight 56-year-old is a problem. Or a teenager weighing 400 pounds and feeling compelled to lose weight because she “wants friends” is where one might draw the line between healthy and unhealthy. Or right and just plain...wrong.

No, the obese child should not play victim and blame it on the system. Personal choice and responsibility play a huge role. But is a choice between Sprite and Coke, chips or fries, really a fair choice? The truth of the matter is that, in a plummeting economy, fast food is cheap, easy and, well, fast. And if obesity is indeed reaching the same number of people as the tobacco industries once did, using the same tactics (strategic taxing on unhealthy food products) might not be a bad way to go.

This issue is inextricably bound up with the issues of national healthcare, free market and federal government regulation of municipal activity (i.e. school food programs). You can't really talk about one without touching on the others. For now, I'll leave you with some neat tips on how to stay healthy while cooking at home. And for the soylovers out there, check out these tips on how to incorporate a healthier alternative to regular dairy into your diet.

Sadly, American Idol is losing the man who says what everyone is thinking but afraid to verbalize (possibly the sole reason I turn to Fox these days). But it seems as though, in the open audition for the Obese Child, our First Lady has sat down and made herself comfortable at the judge's table.